Somewhere
by Raven Shadowrose
Summary: Darken Rahl returns to visit the singer and learns a few things about himself. Direct sequel to Tides Of Time.


**Author's note: This story is a direct sequel to Tides Of Time, please read that one first to understand this one.**

**Disclaimer: I do not know or own any of the characters from Legend of the Seeker, lyrics in italics are property of Within Temptation**, **all original characters and the story belong to me, please do not steal.**

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><p>I've been taking some quite big risks these past few visits to the singer, I've learnt very little about her, perhaps tonight will be different and I will learn something that I can make use of. Egremont suspects that I've been leaving the palace at night, it is good that he watches out for me but I wish that he wouldn't watch me so closely. Hopefully he won't start sending guards to follow me, I've come to look forward to these times alone and I don't want to have to give them up.<p>

I slipped quietly through the dark city streets to the little house where my singer waited for me, I hid in the shadows as I always did and looked through the window, the little girl was in there alone and asleep, was I too late? Damn Egremont, always delaying me, now I've missed her singing. I turned at the sound of her voice, she was outside, had she discovered me? I crept to where her voice was coming from, it was harsh and uncontrolled, not smooth like usual, I almost winced at the sound.

_Lost in the darkness,_

_hoping for a sign._

_Instead there is only silence,_

_can't you hear my screams?_

I carefully moved closer to where the sound of her voice was coming from and I noticed that she was kneeling on the ground, she was looking up at the stars in the sky. Why was she outside when it was cold? What had caused the sad expression on her face? I studied her carefully as she sang, hoping that her face would give me some answers.

_Never stop hoping,_

_need to know where you are,_

_but one thing is for sure,_

_you're always in my heart._

As the words spilled forth from her mouth I realised that she had lost someone dear to her and this song was for them. I felt like I was intruding on her grief, this was a private moment and I knew that I should leave but I couldn't move. As harsh and grief-laden as her voice was, I still felt the need to listen to her singing. I watched her closely, a tear ran down the side of her face that I could see. I turned my head away, it was hard to watch, a person in pain had never bothered me before, yet it was bothering me now.

_I'll find you somewhere._

_I'll keep on trying until my dying day._

_I just need to know whatever has happened,_

_the truth will free my soul._

I wondered who the person was that she had lost, a mother? A lover? My heart tightened at the thought, it would have been someone that was worthy of her, someone that I could never be. In the short time I had been listening to her sing I had been made to face the many shortcomings that I had and it was not a comforting thought. I know that I have lost touch with everything, I have lied to myself along the way, anything to take away the horror of death and destruction.

_Lost in the darkness,_

_try to find your way home._

_I want to embrace you_

_and never let you go._

Home... I don't have a home, the palace is just a house and that is a different thing entirely. I have never been able to make a home for myself, there is too much distrust around me for that. Anyone in that palace could turn against me at any given moment and seek me out to kill me, some have tried and the deaths that have occurred within the palace have been absorbed into the very fabric of the walls, the air is filled with the stench of death and decay.

_Almost hope you're in heaven_

_so no one can hurt your soul._

_Living in agony_

_cause I just do not know_

_where you are._

I sat on the floor and rested my head against the wall, I wouldn't be invited to heaven that's for sure. The Creator will take great pleasure at condemning me to an eternal life of torment at the hands of the Keeper, I don't blame him. I sacrificed my own soul for power, a foolish action, I know what waits for me beyond the grave. I will be forced to be the Keeper's servant, if I do not do as I am asked then I can only think that what he will do to me will be worse. I need help, a way to get out of this. Without help I will never be able to fight the Keeper. Is it too late to change sides? A last attempt to save my soul from torment. I live with the torment of having to take lives to stay alive, I do not wish to live with it for my afterlife too.

_I'll find you somewhere,_

_I'll keep on trying until my dying day_

_I just need to know whatever has happened,_

_the truth will free my soul._

Is it better not to know what happens to those who die? I know what happens to those I kill, I live with the guilt of it every single day. I condemn them to a half-life, a life of killing to survive, the very life that I hate. I wish I had the courage to end my own life, but I am a coward, I kill to stay alive, to please the Keeper. I kill because I can't let go of my own life, as pitiful as it is. I know what would happen to me if I stopped killing, the Keeper would do whatever it took to have my life ended and he would torture me until I gave in and agreed to get more souls for him. I would be sent back to resume my killing spree.

_Wherever you are,_

_I won't stop searching._

_Whatever it takes,_

_I need to know._

I wish I had more courage, I should have accepted that I had little power, pride and ego got in the way, I let it happen. I am responsible for everything that has happened in my life, I hate it, I hate myself for everything that I have done. Do I have the courage to change things for the better? Do I have the courage to approach my brother and change the way things are done? I don't even have the courage to approach the woman who is so near me, how can I approach the man who is destined to kill me? I should do whatever it takes to put things right, even if I have to sacrifice myself to do it.

_I'll find you somewhere,_

_I'll keep on trying until my dying day_

_I just need to know whatever has happened,_

_the truth will free my soul._

I listened for a few more moments but she had finished, I carefully looked around the corner of the house, she was still there, kneeling and looking up at the sky. The tears that she had shed during her song were drying on her face, in a few moments no one would know that she had been crying. I'd know, I'd seen everything, the sight and sound of her grief was etched across what was left of my soul, I'd never be able to forget it. I watched quietly as the little girl came out. 'Alienne?' So that was her name.

'Eva, you should be in bed.'

'I was, are you singing to mama again?'

'Yes, remember what I told you?'

'Mama is the brightest star in the sky, she's always watching over us from heaven, even when I can't see the stars she'll be watching and keeping me safe.'

'Always, one day we will see her again. Come on little one, it is time we got you back into bed.' Alienne picked Eva up and the little girl snuggled into her arms, I watched them until they went into the house and the door was shut firmly behind them.

I thought over what I had just seen, so I was right, their mother had died. I had learned Alienne's name and that it looked like she was looking after her younger sister, raising her in her mother's place. I felt a drop of something wet on my hand, was it raining? I looked up at the sky, it was all clear, there were many stars out. Another drip appeared on my hand and it was then that I realised I was crying, it has been many years since I last cried. I was crying for myself, for Alienne and Eva and for their mother. Hearing Eva talk about her mother being a star in the sky made me think of my own mother and how I barely knew her, I miss her.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and settled my head on them, there was no one here to comfort me. Now that the gates to my own grief had been opened I didn't know how to close them, I was a wreck, if someone found me now I was in trouble as I wouldn't be able to defend myself against them. I was mourning everything that I had lost; my mother, Richard and Jennsen, I had never felt so alone.

I wiped the tears from my eyes with the back of my sleeve, I used the building for support and slowly stood up. I took a deep breath and headed back to the palace, I was weary and needed to sleep. I entered quietly through one of the secret passageways that only I and Egremont knew about and went straight to my chambers. 'Lord Rahl?'

'Not now, Egremont.' I wanted to be alone, I need my rest.

'How am I meant to protect you if you wander off without me knowing?'

'I said not now.'

'As you wish Lord Rahl.' Egremont bowed low and went to leave.

'I have a special task for you in the morning but until then I don't want to hear another word.'

'Very well, I shall leave you now.' I nodded and Egremont left the room, I slipped off my clothes and climbed into the bed. I still felt alone but tomorrow was a new day and if all went to plan then I might just be able to make a few changes around here. I closed my eyes, Alienne would soon be at the palace when I got my way.


End file.
